Tick you Off
by Ilovepievich
Summary: This may become more than just a short idea.
1. Ch1

**Ok, I haven't done this in some time now so please understand that. Like I said in my other works, everything is up for grabs. Please, someone who likes to wright, use any ideas I come up with freely.**

\-- **Start**** of an adventure--**

'The beach is so nice this time of year. Maybe I should try to surf. Well... falling off a lot and trying not to drown doesn't sound fun now that I think about it. Uh, I don't remember wearing a hat when I dozed off.'

The young man gets up from the sand and starts to look around the beach. He does the one thing he can think of in this situation. Yell at his asshole friends.

" Ok you fuck, the fun's over! This is funny as fuckin a dead horse. How much you spend on the jojo mask? This is dank as fuck."

Only wearing his birthday suit and waking up nowhere near the resorts didn't help his mood. As he reachs the tree line he sees the grass move way for someone.

" By Odin's fucked up eye, if you ruined my new clothes I'm going-"

At that point his world stops at the absurdity of what he sees. Out of the brush a gaint, red haired monkey walks out on all fours. It raises arms thicker then the nearby trees before giving a deafening roar.

" That looks, sounds, and smells real... so bye!"

The man rushs back down to the beach. He takes a look behind him to see the unthinkable. A fucking tree.

" Welp I'm-"

\--**Meaty Slap--**

"Fucked..."

Seeing that the smaller monkey not getting up, the great ape gives a annoyed snort. Now that its new enemy is dying, the red behemoth strolls back into the forest.

Some time passes before our slightly crushed protagonist wakes up yelling in pain.

" Fuuuuck. Ow, is that a fucking crab? Fuck off with your clawing me. Wait... Double fuck, I can't feel my legs. Did you hear that Forest?"

He points over to the jungle. Not hearing anything he drops his arm onto the warm sand. At that point the crab pinches him again. He looks over to the crab then starts to punch it repeatedly.

" What, The, Fuck, Is, Happening!"

As soon as he stops punching the crab it gives him one more pinch beforer scurrying back into his ocean home.

" Ok! Fuck you! Think for a second you fucking limbotomite. Naked, mask, fuck all monkey, tree, and broken back. If the mask is real I'll die from the sun. If it's not I'll just die here with my dick in the sand. Hopefully I won't bleed out before sundown."

After many smacked crabs, three bored birds trying to eat some nuts, and a bored sea turtle, the sun sets on the island.

" Well... Yolo?"

Putting on the mask, he waits for the pain to come. It never did.

" I'm going to die here! Wait.. I frogot the blood. Ok, there you go?"

He didn't get time to scream before the mask skull fucks him. Seeing his meal die, the determined crab starts to work a new. Only to be crushed by a clawed hand.

" Yes! cough... I mean... ya, fuck Ya! Suck it crab! Damn, this tree is light as fuck now. Well, I'm a big ass tick now. Time to kill that fuckin monkey and fuck around."

He throws the tree into the ocean then walks into the jungle. Around ten minutes in he sees a small row boat hidden in the grass.

" Dank, I fucking hate this jungle shit. Fuck this, Fuck you monkey, I'm leaving now! Out."

A tree is in the way of the boat and our protagonist. So like a normal person, he kicks it down and starts to drag the boat away. Only to stop as he hears a roar. The tree fell on a red ball of rage. It roars as it tries to get free from the wood.

" Ya, I dont know or care if you threw that tree at me, but I'm killing you. Wonder if monkey blood is any good?"

He jabs a hand into the monkeys throat. As the monkey is being used as a juice pack, it gives a mighty death scream before becoming a naked mummy.

" Fuck you too, bye-"

One after another, hundreds of roars sound through the forest.

" Nope, nope, nope, no."

As he reachs the beach a uncountable wave of furry furyis everywhere the eye can see.

" Fuck this shit I'm out!"

With a full sprint he jumps into the ocean. The monkeys, knowing water is bad, just start to trow anything at him. Not wanting to get hurt, he flips the boat upside-down and starts to frantically swim away.

" Fuck furries."

Many hours pass as he mindlessly swims. Until he loses his feet.

"Well, fuck me sideways."

He pulls fully into the boat and looks at he's stubs.

" I'm going to guess that the Suns up. Nap? Ya..."

**Now I have to wright down that some time pass, great...**

" I swear, If thats a crab I'll start to kill evey one I see!"

He looks down and sees a shark deep-throating his leg. He jams his hands into its mouth and start to pull them apart. End result is a ripped in half shark, and even more sharks.

" I really don't know what orphanage I burnt down to deserve this!"

**Long time no read! Well, wright would be a better word. Hope someone likes this and starts there own 'much better' fanfic. Goodnight**


	2. Ch 2

In the middle of the vast ocean you can see many things. Salors working hard, pirates sometimes working, and a giant pool of fish guts. At the very center of the gore is a boat. Inside that boat is one fourth of a man. Said man is bored.

" Fuck everything, fuck monkeys, fuck sharks, and fuck whoever wrote this shit up. I'm looking at you!"

The little fuck nugget points at the sky. Too bad he broke a hole though the boat. And so is the end of the story. With the little fuck nugget not able to grab onto the boat he-

" Like hell I am!"

He bit into the side of the boat. Like a leach, he clings to his life line. Bla Bla, time passes and he feels sand.

" You think anything in there?"

" Na, but maybe there's something on it, maybe."

Two dipshits turn over our heros mighty vessel over. Seeing his saviors he gives them a hug. With his mouth.

" Wha-"

They have fun together. Just learning about each other and talking... with their mouths.

" Get off of him!"

Nice, friendly stuff. Ya... Hugs all around. I got nothing more to say...

" Death yells."

" Oh ya! It's nice being whole again! Now time to see where the fuck I am!"

Trees and the ocean are the only thing to see. Our hero, not wanting to be near the water, goes into the underbrush. Five steps inside he gets a kiss to the dick.

" Why... Wait a minute... I can take the clothes off the dead fucks. Hmm, no, Too fucking dirty for me. "

He gives the snake a meaty kiss back and walks deeper in. Only the sound of crunching and bugs singing can be heard. Until our hero can hear voices in the distance.

" This is going to ether be dinner time or talking time. In both cases my mouth is getting used."

Our hero steps into what looks like a rustic village. Some women ' ,and some men,' look away with sunny cheeks. He walks into the center of the road and poits at his legs.

" Does anyone got spare pants? I don't much care about it, but I think you guys might not like my third leg hanging around."

Another women walks out to see what's happening, goes back inside her building, and back out of the building. She throws a pair of shorts at him and levels a pistol at him.

" Put them on. Now... You the reason the bandits are pissed off so much?"

He takes one look at the shorts, shrugs, and puts them on his head.

" I did use two dirty dogs as pudding pops. Maybe they're mad I didn't share? Anywho, Thanks for the hat btw. Bye!"

Our hero runs into the forest at full sprint. Why you might ask? He doesn't want to burn alive.

"Will the trees save me?"

Smoke starts to rise as he turns to ash. His eyes go wide as he tries to find safety. As his shoulder starts to fall off, he starts to dig for his life.

He stops when he stops feeling pain. Now he has to wait, like a gaint potato in the ground.


End file.
